अख्तर के फंफूल्ले

Ek bar ek chinti haathi ke upar baith kar 
jaa rahi thhi, raaste mein ek kachcha 
pool aaya to chinti boli, cross kar loge ya utroon mai.

************************** 

Teacher: Agar apna character 
sudharna hai to sab auraton 
ko MAA kaha karo. 
Student: Madam is se mera 
character to theek rahega, 
par mere baap ka bigad jayega. 

************************** 

Snta College Ki Ladki se Bola
I love U!
Ab Tum Mujhe Bolo
Girl:Mai Abhi Ja K sir Ko Bolti Hu!
Snta: pagli sir Ko Mt Bol 
Unki Shadi Ho Gai Hai.

 **************************

Chuha to haathi: tuhadi 
umar kinni hai? 
Haathi: 1 Saal, te teri? 
Chuha: Umar ta meri v 1 saal hi hai, 
par saale nashe patte ne mittran 
di sehat down jehi karti. 
**************************

Judge said to Santa: Tum per cycle 
chori ka ilzaam sabit nahin hua 
lihaza tum ko baaizat barri kiya jata hai. 
Santa: To kya main cycle rakh loon?

************************** 

Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha. 
2nd day doosri ladki k saath deha gaya. 
3rd day koi aur ladki thi. 4th day kisi 
nayi ladki ke saath tha 
Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, 
ladke nahin badaltey 
**************************

Dr. Mareej ke dost se - Agar 1 ghanta 
pehle le aate to hum ise bacha lete !
Mareej ka dost Abe saale,
aadha ghanta pehle to iska accident 
hua hai 1ghanta pehle kaise le aata?

**************************

Ik sherni nach rahi si, usnu dekhke 
thodi door ik chuha vi nach reha si. 
Sherni ne puchia ki ho gaya? 
Chuha kehnda, "Nachne nu kare mera jee, 
haye ni tenu nachdi vekh ke". 
**************************

Ek bar ek chinti haathi ke upar baith kar 
jaa rahi thhi, raaste mein ek kachcha pool
 aaya to chinti boli, cross kar loge ya utroon mai. 

Teacher: Kids write an essay on 
President of Pakistan.....
.
.
.
.
Few Moments Later...........
.
.
.
.
.
Student: Miss! What is the english of Kanjar????

**************************

Patient to Doc: Aapne nurse bahut
 achhi rakhi hai, uska haath lagte 
hi main theek ho gaya. 
Doctor: Jaanta hu, thappad ki 
awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.

************************** 

premika premi se- koi aisa khat likh mere
 baalma, jise saari umar beet jaaye padhne mein.

Premi- !$^**)(!@!$$!e#^$^#%@#%9wrtkjno
fuy#@%$&^&)(*&*&   le padh le. jindagi
beet jayegi par padh nahi payegi.

************************** 

Pathan:aj humara jumaah ka namaz 
nikal gaya yara!!!
Dost:kese yara?
Patahn: Yara imam saab bola apne 
mobile band kar dena,mera ghar par tha.. 
Jab band kar ke Aya to jamat nikal gaya...

**************************

pahla- yaar meri biwi bahut fizul kharchi hai. 
Jab se shadi huyee hai. Usi din se roj 100-200
 rupye mangti rahti hai. Kya karoon?

Dusra- lekin wo itne paise ka karti kya hai.

Pahla- pata nahi kabhi diye hi nahi.

**************************

Baap ne beta se kaha :
'dekho ye aaj tumhari teacher ki taraf se 
mujhe 1 letter mila hai....'
Beta : 'aap be-fikar rahen, mein ammi 
ko nahi bataonga.

**************************

santa ne ek Gadda khoda or usme
 ja k beth gaya? 
banta ne puchha: ?Ae ki ho raya ha?? 
santa replied: DEEP THINKING

************************** 

ladka- tum shadi ke baad apne liye naya
 ghar to nahi mangogi.

Ladki- nahi, mai aisi ladki nahi hoon, 
tum apni maa ko naya ghar dila dena.

**************************

husband: are munne ko samjhao ,
zid kar raha hai ki gadhe per baithunga...
wife: to kya hua bachcha hi to hai,
zara si der ke liye bhitha kyun nahi lete..

**************************

ladki:-dear ham kahan jaa rahe hain?

Ladka:- long drive par.

Ladki-to tumne pahle kyon nahi bataya?

Ladki-mujhe bhi abhi pata chala jab break fail hua.

************************** 

Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha. 
2nd day doosri ladki k saath deha gaya. 
3rd day koi aur ladki thi. 4th day kisi 
nayi ladki ke saath tha 
Moral:- Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, 
ladke nahin badaltey 
**************************

Maalik Naukar se - ye tum kisi bhi 
kaam ke liye jaate ho to wapas aane mein 
2 - 3 ghante kyun laga daite ho. ?
Naukar - sahab aap ne hi to kaha 
tha ke bijli ki tarah kaam karna !!

 **************************

Bhikari:- sahib, aap pahle mujhe 10 rupye 
dete thee, fir 5 rupeye dene lage aur ab 1 rupeye

aisa kyon?

Aadmy-pahle mai kunwara tha,  fir meri 
sadi huyee aur ab mere 3 bachche hain

Bhikari- achcha jee mere paise se aish ho raha hai.

************************** 

1 punjabi apni un parh maa se phone py:
maa mein is sunday par pakistan aa raha hoon..
maa: wah puttar: log jahaz ty aaundey ny
.
.
.
.
tu sandhay ty awein gaa....

**************************

Santa: Sabse bari durghatna kya ho sakti hai
Banta: Agar koi potty dhone ke dibbe me Tejab dal de

 **************************

pahla aadmy:-achcha batao indrdanush aur 
policewale mein kya samanta hai.

Dusra aadmy:- dono tufan gujarne ke 
baad hi najar aate hai.

************************** 

Ek Pagal (hath mai cigarette chhupa ka- 
batao mere hath mai kia hai?
Dusara pagal - rail gadi !
Pahla - Tumhe kaise pata chala?
Dusra - Maine dhuwan niklte dekha !!

**************************

Wife: Kya kar rahe ho? 
Man: Makkhiya maar rha hu. 
Wife: Kitni mari? 
Man: 3 male aur 2 female. 
Wife: Kaise malum? 
Man: Kyonki 3 daru ki botal se chipki
 thi or 2 phone se...

 **************************

yaar museebat aane per log upar 
wale ko hi kusoor war kun thraten hain,
dusra dost,
"kunki biwi ko kusoorwar thrane se 
museebat aur badh jayaigi..

 **************************

1 premy:-premika samundar ke kinare baithe thhe.

Premika boli-dear kya tum shadi ke baad 
mijhe ring doge?

Premi- sadi ke baad kyon, mai tumhe sadi 
se pahle bhi ring de sakta hoon apna fone no. batao.

 **************************

Larki ke Gaal Pe Gulab maarne par Responses
English Girl:you are too Naughty sweet heart!
Urdu Girl: Nahin karo na!
Punjabi Girl: Lakh laanat begairta...

**************************

·         Sardar talking on cell.
Dusra Sardar : Kis se baat kar raho ho.
pahla Sardar : Biwi se…

Dusra Sardar : Itne… Pyaar se?
Pahla Sardar : Tumhari hai…

**************************

Dhobi Ne 1 admi Ki Chaddi Tiek Se Nahi Dhoyi,
Aadmi Ne Chitthi Likh Ke Bheji
"KAPDE THHEEK SE DHOYA KARO"
Dhobi Ne Jawab Likh Ke Bheja 
"CHUTTAR THEEK SE DHOYA KARO"

 **************************

Some1 wrote 2 santa,"Agr tum 
zaheen ho to Rs100 bhejo. 
Hoshyar ho to 200. Agr dono ho to 300 bhejo" 
**************************

santa sent Rs600 n wrote, "Oye Main
 sabka baap hun

Ek tha Raja…

Ek thi Rani…

Dono mar gaye khatam kahani.

-               
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Neeche kya lash dhoond rahe ho??? 
Bola na kahani khatam.

 **************************

Dr:- Motape ka 1 hi Elaaj Hai.
Tum Daily Sirf 2 Rotiya Khaya Karo.
GOLU:- 2 Rotiya khana khane se pehle
 ya Khane ke baad.

**************************

Rabri: Ka karat ho? 
Laalu: Ek dost ko chitthi likhat hu! 
Rabri: Par tuhar likhna to aawe nahi. 
Laalu: Vo sasura bhi to padhna nahi jaanat.

 **************************

Santa k truck k peechay likha tha 
"chota parivar sukhi parivar" 
Or uske nechay 
Tinu, minu, chintu, chinky, pinky,

guddu, guddi, sonu, monu, te sohan de papa di gaddi!!

 **************************

Santa-Teri Sabse Badi Takat Kya Hai.
Banta-Meri Patni
Santa-Sabse Badi Kamzori ?
Banta-Dusro Ki Patni..

**************************

·         Phone ki ganti baji.
Santa : Phone mere liye ho to kehna mein
 ghar pe nahi hoon.
Jasmeet : Wo ghar pe hain.

Santa : Maine mana kiya tha ke…
Jasmeet : Phone mere liye tha!

 **************************

Garmi me Bus Stop pe Log bus Ke 
intizaar me khade the,
1 Faqir aaya, Sub se Bheek mangi aur
Taxi me baith kar chala gaya...!!

**************************

Sharabi-AAJ Tab tak piyenge, jab tak 
wo saamne wala 3
ped(tree) 6 nahi
dikhne lage.
Manager-saalon bas karo
saamne pehle se hi 1 ped hai !!

**************************

·         Ajit is watching cricket match 
of India vs.Pakistan. Kapil is bowling and Imran is batting. Pakistan needs 18 runs in 3 balls.

Ajit : Rabert Kapil se kehna ek 
khatarnak Beemer daalde aur Imran 
ko out karde.

Rabert : Ok boss Robert goes to Kapil 
and tells the message.

Kapil nods and bowls but Imran hits 
it for a six!

Ajit : Rabert ab Kapil se kehna ek 
khatarnak Yorker daalde aur Imran 
kaa kaam tamam karde.

Rabert : Ok boss He goes to Kapil and 
tells the message.

Kapil nods and bowls but Imran again
 hits it for a six again. Now just one ball 
and six runs to win.

Rabert : Boss ab Kapil se jaake kya kehna hai?

Ajit : Ab Kapil se kuch mat kehna. Imran 
se jaake kehna ki uski maa aur beewi 
hamare kabje mein hai!

 **************************

DO MACHHER BIKE PAR JA 
RAHE THE... RASTE ME HATHI 
NE LIFT MANGI TO MACHHER 
NE KAHA SOCH LE FIR TERI 
MAA KAHEGI KI LOAFERO KE 
SATH GHOOMta RAHTA HAI…

 **************************

Santa Ka Ladka: I'm A Complan Boy... 
Santa Ki Ladki: I'm A Complan Girl....
Santa: Sala Paida Mene Kiya Or 
Naam Kisi Or Ka...

************************** 

Shadi ki raat Santa apni BIWI kE 
liye Gulaab ka Phool le kar Aaya !
Biwi - Mujhe ye nahi chahiye,
koi SONE ki Cheez do !
Santa:Ye lo Takiya aur SO Jao !!

**************************

Ek aadmi doosre aadmi se bola:

“Bivi aur ghadi mey kya faraq hai?”

Doosra Aadmi bola:

“Ek bigadti hai to band ho jati hai……
Doosari bigadti hai to “SHUROO” ho jati hai”

 **************************

Ladka Shadi Ke Liye Ladki Dekhne Gaya.
Ladka: Main Tum Pe Vishvas Kese 
Karun ke Tum Achi Ladki ho?
Ladki: Pehle Istemaal Karen Phir Vishvas Karen!

**************************

Santa rikshawale se : Are o bhai khali ho kya
Rikshawala: Haan bilkul khali hoon 
santa: Aao Chalo Phir Taash khelte hain..

 **************************

SANTA - BABA MUJHE KOI AISA 
KAAM BATAO JAHAN MUJHE 
KUCHH NA KARNA PADE, LOG
 KAREN AUR MUJHE PAISE MILE.
BABA -J A BETA. "SULABH 
SHOUCHALAY" KHOL DE. .

**************************

Sardarji khudkusi karne ke liye 
rail ke patri pe khanepine ke 
saath saath baitha thha.

Tabhi kuchh logon ne use roka aur 
puchha ye sab kya hai, ye sab 
kyon leke baithe ho?

Sardarji ne kaha-  Saali train
hamesha late aati hai kahin 
bhook se na mar jaun.

**************************

Lada Ladki se : Tum to 
Choudhwi ka chand ho.
Ladki : Sach, kya main itni 
khoobsurat hoon?
Ladka: Are nahi, Main to ye 
batana chah raha tha ke chand 
ke tarah tum itni gol matol ho !!

 **************************

Mayawati came to Lalu’s house with a goat…
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun layi ho?

Maya : Dikhta nahi, goatwa hai.
Lalu : Hum goatwa se hi puch raha hu!!!

 **************************

Teacher: Batao kay chooza ande se
kaise nikalta hai
Bachca: Miss ye baat itna 
important nahi, Sochne wali 
baat ye hai ke chooza
Ande main ghusta kaise hai..

**************************

Oye why are you sad?”

To which Santa replies …“I lost Rs 300 in bet.”

His friend ask hims…“How?”

Santa Singh says..“I bet on India 
for Rs 200…”But unfortunately India lost

His friend queries..“But you said Rs 300…”

Santa Singh answers…“I again bet 
for India for Rs 100 in the highlights of the match”

 **************************

girl 2 Dr: Medical check up karana hai.
Dr: sare kapde utar ke parde ke 
pichhe let jao.Girl-mera nahi 
mummy ka. Dr: Acha ! mataji jeeb dikhao.

**************************

Santa and banta jungle mein, saamne aayaa sher…

Banta ne sher ki aakhon main mitti 
phenki, aur bhaagne lagaa aur santa ko 
bhi bhaagne ko kahaa.

Santa : Main kyun bhaagu, mitti to tune 
phenki hai.

 **************************

Teacher: Translate into English
“Yaad-e-maazi azab hai ya Rab
Chheen le mujh se hafiza mera”
Pathan: My mind is full of data base
O God! Please make me a mental case….

************************** 

Miss - Aaj Tum Late kyon Aaye?
School 7 baje Shuru Hota Hai Fir 
der kyon Ki?
Bachcha - Miss,Aap Meri Itni Fikar
 Mat Kiya Karo Log Galat Samajhte Hai.!

**************************

Girl of 1960 : Aye bahar hai…
jia bekarar hai… aja moray 
balma tera intezar hai.

Girl of 2007 : Aye bahar hai…
jia bekarar hai… aje moray 
balma warna dusra tayyar hai.

 **************************

Do memon hotel mein Ek dusre ko mile...
4 din baad dono mar gaye...!
Wajah kya thi...
Woh 4 din aik dusre ko dekhte rahe..
Ke khana koun mangwayega...?

**************************

1 behra scooter ghasit k la raha tha
2nd behra-petrol khatm ho gya kya
1st- nhi yar petrol khatm ho gaya
2nd- ohh.!Mujhe laga petrol khatm ho gya

************************** 

A Sardarji went to toilet ten 
times within half-an-hour.

Somebody asked,“Sardarji 
aapko chain nahin hai kya?”

Sardar : Hai to sahi, par khul nahin rahi!

 **************************

santaji, Agar aap ki wife ko 
Jin chimmat jayein...
To aap kya karo ge...?
santaji:Mein ne kya karna hai...
Ghalti Jin ki hai, Khud Bhugtey....

************************** 

Sante ki Biwi bhaag gayi.
3 din baad wapis aaye
santa gusse se bola
"Ab kya lene aayee hai.
Biwi - "Mobile ka charger".

************************** 

pathan ek ladki ko purpose 
karta hai

Girl - Lekin mein tumse Umer
mein 1 saal badi hoon..!
Pathan - Oye baaji fikar kyun 
karta hai,
Hum tumse agle saal shaadi 
karlega..!

**************************

Ek aadmi ne ek gawar naukar 
rakh liya aur usse samjhaya ki 
kissi ke naam lene se pahle 
JEE laga diya kare.

Thodi der baad naukar bhagta 
hua aya aur bola…

“Sahebji, sahebji kutte’ji’ ne 
murgi’ji’ ko pakad liya hai”

 **************************

After car accident
American: Its fine man...
British: Im So Sorry
chines: are u oky?
Pakstani:O BhaRve, Andha hai Kya, 
Kutte ki tarha chala rha tha,Tere Baap ka Road hai ...

************************** 

GOLU & MOLU Raat ko Chhat 
Pe So Rahe The
MOLU to GOLU - Yaar 
Maachis Kahan Pe Hai?
GOLU: Teeli Jala k Dekh 
Le Yahi Hogi

 **************************

santa ki beti "LAADO" Bacpan 
se japan me thi Wo india aai 
par airport se return ho gayi
 Kyon ki waha bord laga tha
 "NA AANA IS DESH MERI LADO

**************************

Officer: Dekho, humme aisa 
chaukidaar chahiye jo sehatmand ho, 
chust, chalak aur chaukanna ho, 
jarurat parne par jisse hum daat bhi saake…

Yadi tumhare andar yeh saare 
guun shamil hai to tumhe yeh 
naukri mil sakti hai.

Umeedwaar : Saheb yeh saare 
gun meri biwi mein hai, usse bulau?

 **************************

Dr. Mareej ke dost se - Agar 
1 ghanta pehle le aate to 
hum ise bacha lete !
Mareej ka dost Abe saale,
aadha ghanta pehle to iska 
accident hua hai 1ghanta pehle kaise le aata?

************************** 

Delhi se Mughalsarai jaanewali
 ek train mein kuch budhyijibi 
type ke log sawar the.

Woh log jor jorse antarrashtriya 
batien kar rahe thhe.

Upar ke birth par so rahe ek 
brahmin ko bahut pareshani ho rahi thhi.

Batien karte karte ek sajjan bole, 
“pahle punjibaad aya, fir samyabaad 
aur aab samajbaad ayega.”

Tabhi upar se woh vyakti chillaya,
 “bhaisaab jab Ilahabaad aye to mujhe thora jaga dena!!!”

 **************************

Teacher santa se Koi aisa jumla banao jis me 
'MAGAR' 2 dafa istamaal hua ho,
**************************


santa:-"Wo Mere aage chal rahi thi or main us ke.
'MAGAR'
'MAGAR'

 **************************

Boy- Sir Ne Aaj Mujhe Bahut Mara
Dad- Why ?
Boy- Sir Ne Puchha 2*3=? , Maine 
Kaha 6, Phir Puchha 3*2=?
Dad- Saale Dono Answer Same Hota Hai.
Boy- Maine Sir Ko Bilkul Aise Hi Kaha Tha..

************************** 

BHIKARI-maine ek kitab likhi 
hai jiska naam hai paise 
kamane ke sau tarike.
Raahgir-to phir bhik kyon 
maang rahe ho
BHIKARI- YE UN SAU 
TARIKO ME SABSE AASAN TARIKA HAI.

**************************

There were 2 Sardar Jees going for 
fishing. One of the Sardar Jee notices
 a boy drowning. He looks up to 
the sky and says “Hey Raba 
please protect the small boy“

The other Sardar Jee bravely 
gets up and dives into the 
water to rescue the boy.

When the Sardar Jee gets near 
to the boy he notices lot of 
people has surrounded him.

The Sardar Jee asks nervesuoly
 “Oh Gee Hoya?“

The man, who was a producer 
replies “Tu meri shooting kurab gurthee“

 **************************

"Police Afsar PATHAN se:
Tumhari matr bhasa kon si hai?
PATHAN: Koi nahi..
Police Afsar: Kyun?
PATHAN: Meri ammi goongi thi...:

**************************

There was just one cinema 
theater in the Village. The village
 people, though backward were very patriotic.

In fact as a cinema screen the 
owner of the theater had installed
 a khaadi dhoti. The villagers 
were very happy with the idea of 
a khaadi dhoti screen. They 
decided to dedicate the theater to 
Mahatma Gandhiji, and named 
the theatre: GANDHI KE DHOTI

Some of the Up coming attractions at 
GANDHI KEE DHOTI as advertised in the
local newspaper were:

Gandhi kee Dhoti mein KACHHE DHAGE
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein HAL-CHAL
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Daraar
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Chuppa Rustom
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Baazigar
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Do Jasoos
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Aandhi
Gandhi kee Dhoti mein Garam Hawaa

 **************************